Light In My Darkness

 

It has been a very long time since I've written in my blog... over two years, in fact. Life has been filled with family illness and the homecoming of my sweet Dad. Now my Mom is declining rapidly. I'm trying my best to care for her well, while my heart is grieving. It is the circle of life... We are only given so many days on this earth, and then we return to the Lord, which is a blessing! But this ending of life!... It is so very very hard! I need God's grace to make it through each moment of every single day.

I've written before that I struggle with depression... and during this difficult time, it's been hard to find my way out of the darkness at times. My physician has changed my medications, and that has greatly helped me cope on this journey I've found myself on. I am truly grateful to be feeling so much better!

And painting has helped soothe my soul. I don't claim to be a terrific artist... but somehow in putting pencil to paper and then paint on canvas, peace and joy have come into my heart. This winter, as the afternoon sun has been shining in the windows of my studio, I've experienced a calm, quiet place of healing and comfort as I've painted and listened to soft, soothing music. My studio has felt like a sanctuary... and art making has felt like communion with God.

Thank you Lord, that you meet me right where I am... even when I'm in the darkness. You come to me and comfort me. You shine Your light on me and fill me with joy and gladness! I am so very grateful!!

Waiting For Spring

"Waiting For Spring"

We got the call one evening last February... Mom was in the hospital again and things weren't looking good. My husband & I immediately went into emergency mode, packing clothes, food, and doggie needs, gathering up hats, gloves, scarves and winter coats, getting ready to travel first thing the next day. We were on auto-pilot...

Once we'd arrived, the waiting began... At that point I realized I had forgotten to bring any art supplies along with me. I was surprised that, during this period of stress & uncertainty, I really wanted to quietly sketch and then color what I had created.

So... my husband took me to Walmart, and I bought a child-sized box of Crayola colored pencils. I started with one quilt block, and then another, not having a plan in mind, just designing one thing & then the next. I chose the Crayola colors that looked most like Spring to me, that felt most like hope. And then I filled the waiting hours with quiet prayer & happy colors. They soothed my soul.

Thank you, Lord, that you met me in my time of anxiety in a way that I could understand... through the quietness of sketching, through the hopefulness of color, through the power of answered prayer.

Apples vs. Oranges

See Photo Credit Below

From time to time I can really get myself into a creative 'funk'!... and unfortunately, February has ended up being a very 'funky' month for me. As much as I love having access to so much arty inspiration & creative community online... if I'm not very very careful, I start comparing my abilities with other artists & end up feeling blechh about me! (...and yes, I'm sure that blechh must be a real word and not just something I'm making up!).

So... it was interesting that I stumbled on this quote yesterday:

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

- Theodore Roosevelt

Hmmmmm... Well, thank you Theodore... I really needed to hear that! In my mind, I know that this is true... but my heart forgets from time to time.

When it comes right down to it, I have a choice to make every time I enter my creative online community. I can hold my arty talents up against the talents of others and evaluate how I measure up... or I can choose to embrace joy by refusing to compare. Instead, I can appreciate how uniquely the Lord has made me while also appreciating & encouraging the giftedness of others.

Thank you Lord for reminding me once again to trust my thoughts, my talents & my heart to you.


photo credit: Apples & Oranges - They Don't Compare via photopin (license)

My Aha! Moment

I have to be honest with you... I feel a little foolish about writing this blog post. At the beginning of last month, I thought I had all my art plans figured out... I was going to create digital stamps & offer them for sale to crafters through my Etsy shop, PholkartStudio. I set about the process of creating TWO new blogs... one to feature my handcolored digistamps & another to host a monthly challenge for crafters who create handmade cards. Yes, my plans were coming together nicely!

But something just wasn't sitting right with me... and without taking time to explore my discomfort, I pushed those uneasy feelings aside & pressed on with my plan.

Midway through the month, I began to realize that I just wasn't very happy. I was feeling a constant inner push to create brand new designs. I had put on my organizer's hat & was directing my new operations, clucking over each area like a mother hen over her chicks. I had taken on the role of marketer/social media guru with new zeal & began spreading the word about my big plans... In the end, I discovered I was juggling too many balls in the air and I was feeling completely frazzled!!

Finally, I took time to listen to my heart. And I rediscovered what I probably knew all along... I missed creating colorful little pieces of original art by hand & I missed working on my illustrated art blog. As a BIG introvert, I had been pushing out beyond my comfort zone & I wasn't spending quiet time renewing my energy. Most of all, I was running out ahead of the Lord.

And so... I began the process of pulling back & deleting. No more digital stamps. No more challenge blog. I put the brakes on my daily social media. And I went back to my studio & started "makin' stuff."

"Little Red Riding Hood"

Honestly, I began to feel lighter... and happier... and more "me" almost right away.  My inner self breathed a deep sigh of relief.

So here I am... a little lost, a little 'between things,' with no big plans or arty business goals. I'm just trying to show up each day with my sketchbook in hand, trying to listen with my heart to the Lord & hold whatever comes next for me very loosely.

Thank you Lord that you keep loving me even when I go off in my own direction. Thanks that you have good plans for me & I can trust you to lead me. Please help me to listen to you with my head & my heart... and to follow wherever you go.

A Very Simple Christmas

It's beginning to look a little bit like Christmas at our house again this year! Our wreath is hung on the front door... just a simple green wreath with a red bow. It feels welcoming to me. I hope it will make others feel welcomed to our home this season as well. 

Our artificial tree is assembled & fluffed & strung with lights. I miss the smell of fresh pine from a real tree, but this is a season in our married life when holidays mean traveling away from home. The twinkling lights are bright & cheerful. They give our home a festive feel. Sometime soon I'll carry down our boxes of ornaments from upstairs & add to the tree's sparkle... But for now, the simple, un-embellished tree makes me feel happy.

On top of the old piano in our dining room, I've arranged the Nativity scene... just a replica of someone's skilled hand carving. I love the folk art feel of it & its' rustic simplicity. It's a reminder to me that Jesus was born in the humblest of circumstances & laid in a feeding trough used for the stable animals... Amazing Grace!! God sent His only Son to live & walk among us. Who would have thought He could love us so much?

I took this picture from our deck last night... It reminded me of the carol, "Silent Night". This year I have found myself longing for peacefulness, for time to meditate on the true meaning of the Christmas season. My husband & I have scaled our gift-giving & holiday shopping back. In truth, I'm relieved not to be bustling about looking for 'who knows what to give to Uncle Harry.' I'm content to miss out on the crowds & glitz & commercialism so often a part of the Christmas season. I'm feeling more centered, less stressed & more joyous. Yes, the Merry feels like it's returned to Christmas for me this year!

Last Sunday at church, we sang the well-known French carol, "Angels We Have Heard On High." I know I must have sung this song thousands of times over the years. But somehow, the words of the third verse jumped out at me this time... so much so that I scribbled them down on the bulletin so I wouldn't forget. They really sum up what I long to do this Christmas season (& always!)...

Come to Bethlehem and see

Him whose birth the angels sing;

Come adore on bended knee

Christ, the Lord, the Newborn King.

~ Wayne Wold

May YOU be blessed in knowing the love
of Jesus, our Savior and Lord
this Christmas!

Counting My Blessings

"Cozy Winter Home"

We had an unexpected early taste of Winter here in North Carolina, as the temps dipped down in the twenties overnight... No snow yet, but it sure has been cold enough for snow! First dog walk of the season, I bundled up in my scarf & hat & my winter coat, with a scarf I'd knit wrapped almost up to my nose.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

"Boy, I'm not ready for Wintertime yet!... I really don't like being cold!... Wasn't Halloween just a few days ago???" that little voice in my head begins to whine & complain...

And then I remember (something I'm prone to forget if I'm not very careful)...  

This is a very good day to count my blessings!

So, today I'm thankful for...

• A warm house on a chilly day
• A hot cup of Chai tea in my favorite mug
• The space heater that's warming my toes-ies
• The fleece blanket my sons gave me for Christmas... I'm cozier because of their love for me
• A sunny 'Carolina Blue' sky with not a cloud in sight 
• The sound of my dog snoozing right next to me while I type
• A brand new book I can hardly wait to read
• ... And a wide-open day to enjoy being creative!  :) 

Lord, I have so very much to be thankful for!... Please teach me to notice and count the big & small blessings in my everyday life... good gifts you have given to me!