Light In My Darkness

 

It has been a very long time since I've written in my blog... over two years, in fact. Life has been filled with family illness and the homecoming of my sweet Dad. Now my Mom is declining rapidly. I'm trying my best to care for her well, while my heart is grieving. It is the circle of life... We are only given so many days on this earth, and then we return to the Lord, which is a blessing! But this ending of life!... It is so very very hard! I need God's grace to make it through each moment of every single day.

I've written before that I struggle with depression... and during this difficult time, it's been hard to find my way out of the darkness at times. My physician has changed my medications, and that has greatly helped me cope on this journey I've found myself on. I am truly grateful to be feeling so much better!

And painting has helped soothe my soul. I don't claim to be a terrific artist... but somehow in putting pencil to paper and then paint on canvas, peace and joy have come into my heart. This winter, as the afternoon sun has been shining in the windows of my studio, I've experienced a calm, quiet place of healing and comfort as I've painted and listened to soft, soothing music. My studio has felt like a sanctuary... and art making has felt like communion with God.

Thank you Lord, that you meet me right where I am... even when I'm in the darkness. You come to me and comfort me. You shine Your light on me and fill me with joy and gladness! I am so very grateful!!

Keeping Christmas Simple At Our House...

We're keeping things simple this year at our house for Christmas...

A large green wreath with a big red bow welcomes visitors to our home. The artificial tree we bought years ago when Ben & Jesse were little has been 'fluffed' and decorated with lights & shiny Christmas balls & years of accumulated ornaments.... Makes me smile every time I walk by! 'Handprint ornaments' we made in Jesse's kindergarten class are hanging in the kitchen windows above the sink. And the 'folk art' nativity scene I love has a place of honor on the piano in the dining room. Last of all, a gorgeous pointsetta I bought at the grocery store sits in the middle of our dining room table. Instead of the pre-holiday frenzy I often dread, in our home,

All is calm, All is bright.

2016 has been a very challenging year for me (more on that another time...). But as it closes, I'm grateful for the growth and the lessons the year has held for me. God is indeed faithful and kind and good.

Wishing You A 

Very Blessed Christmas

And A

Happy New Year!! 

Waiting For Spring

"Waiting For Spring"

We got the call one evening last February... Mom was in the hospital again and things weren't looking good. My husband & I immediately went into emergency mode, packing clothes, food, and doggie needs, gathering up hats, gloves, scarves and winter coats, getting ready to travel first thing the next day. We were on auto-pilot...

Once we'd arrived, the waiting began... At that point I realized I had forgotten to bring any art supplies along with me. I was surprised that, during this period of stress & uncertainty, I really wanted to quietly sketch and then color what I had created.

So... my husband took me to Walmart, and I bought a child-sized box of Crayola colored pencils. I started with one quilt block, and then another, not having a plan in mind, just designing one thing & then the next. I chose the Crayola colors that looked most like Spring to me, that felt most like hope. And then I filled the waiting hours with quiet prayer & happy colors. They soothed my soul.

Thank you, Lord, that you met me in my time of anxiety in a way that I could understand... through the quietness of sketching, through the hopefulness of color, through the power of answered prayer.

Spring Has Sprung!

It always seems to happen this way... temps are in the 40's, I'm wearing my turtlenecks, fuzzy socks & fleece... and overnight SPRING suddenly appears! It teases at first with a crocus or two in my neighbor's front yard... and then unveils itself with drama & flair.

This year the cherry trees that line the streets in our neighborhood were truly spectacular! And now the dogwood trees are beginning to blossom... and yes, the azaleas are not very far behind. So far, I've watched out my kitchen window as a mama starling built her nest... and I was entertained by a squirrel very carefully filling a notch in the big oak tree to make her cozy nest. All the baby leaves are unfolding, making the whole world green again.

NEW LIFE!!... Just when it seems that winter will never end, along comes HOPE, and the whole world sighs in relief.

Thank you so much Lord!... for the gift of beauty, for the promise of hope, for new life that springs up when we least expect it. We can see You in all You have made... The whole world is praising You!!

Welcome Home Winnie!

Four years ago this month, Winnie, a gentle black lab, came to live at our house... The moment I saw her, I totally fell in love.  :)

My husband Joe & I don't know much about Winnie's story... If only she could tell us! She came to us through the Lab Rescue of North Carolina, found by a caring stranger somewhere near a beach in eastern Carolina. She had recently had a litter of puppies, though we have no idea what happened to them. All we know is that Winnie was very sick with heartworm disease when she was found and she needed lots of love & care.

The kind folks at the Lab Rescue named her Winnie... and my husband decided she'd been through enough... she shouldn't have to get used to a brand new name too. So 'Winnie' it was.

When we first adopted Winnie, the lab rescue guessed she was somewhere between two and three years old. But after our family vet needed to x-ray her, we discovered that our young dog was actually a whole lot older (which helped explain her very laid back personality).

Winnie's the first dog we've adopted since my sons have grown up... and she's been the perfect companion for me. Nothing makes her happier than a walk around the neighborhood, her chewy 'Kong' & her favorite toy duck (now looking a lot worse for wear!). She follows the sun around our house & is content just to 'be' with me... my super sweet studio buddy!  :)  Without a doubt, Winnie helps make our house a home!

The doodle above was drawn on a 4x6 index card, just for fun, using a black Micron pen, Copic markers, Prismacolor markers & Prismacolor pencils.  :)

Blessed Beyond Words!

'Joyful Mail'

The mailman has been delivering Christmas cards to our house this week... friends from near & far! It amazes me that, over the course of our marriage, Joe and I have been loved by so many special people, far too many to count!

Often these Christmas cards contain personal letters, updating us on the highs & lows of the past year for each family. I loved the JOY in one of the first cards to arrive in our mailbox... a photo card of a grandma, surrounded by her ten 'grands' at the beach. While her year had held many ups & downs... this grandma's perspective was that she'd been 'Blessed Beyond Words'... and so it is for our family!

Lord, thank you for your kindness & generosity to us. This past year was filled with love and joy, courage and fears, disappointment and challenges. And in it all, we are so grateful that you've been right here with us through all of it... We have indeed been blessed beyond words!

A Very Simple Christmas

It's beginning to look a little bit like Christmas at our house again this year! Our wreath is hung on the front door... just a simple green wreath with a red bow. It feels welcoming to me. I hope it will make others feel welcomed to our home this season as well. 

Our artificial tree is assembled & fluffed & strung with lights. I miss the smell of fresh pine from a real tree, but this is a season in our married life when holidays mean traveling away from home. The twinkling lights are bright & cheerful. They give our home a festive feel. Sometime soon I'll carry down our boxes of ornaments from upstairs & add to the tree's sparkle... But for now, the simple, un-embellished tree makes me feel happy.

On top of the old piano in our dining room, I've arranged the Nativity scene... just a replica of someone's skilled hand carving. I love the folk art feel of it & its' rustic simplicity. It's a reminder to me that Jesus was born in the humblest of circumstances & laid in a feeding trough used for the stable animals... Amazing Grace!! God sent His only Son to live & walk among us. Who would have thought He could love us so much?

I took this picture from our deck last night... It reminded me of the carol, "Silent Night". This year I have found myself longing for peacefulness, for time to meditate on the true meaning of the Christmas season. My husband & I have scaled our gift-giving & holiday shopping back. In truth, I'm relieved not to be bustling about looking for 'who knows what to give to Uncle Harry.' I'm content to miss out on the crowds & glitz & commercialism so often a part of the Christmas season. I'm feeling more centered, less stressed & more joyous. Yes, the Merry feels like it's returned to Christmas for me this year!

Last Sunday at church, we sang the well-known French carol, "Angels We Have Heard On High." I know I must have sung this song thousands of times over the years. But somehow, the words of the third verse jumped out at me this time... so much so that I scribbled them down on the bulletin so I wouldn't forget. They really sum up what I long to do this Christmas season (& always!)...

Come to Bethlehem and see

Him whose birth the angels sing;

Come adore on bended knee

Christ, the Lord, the Newborn King.

~ Wayne Wold

May YOU be blessed in knowing the love
of Jesus, our Savior and Lord
this Christmas!

Counting My Blessings

"Cozy Winter Home"

We had an unexpected early taste of Winter here in North Carolina, as the temps dipped down in the twenties overnight... No snow yet, but it sure has been cold enough for snow! First dog walk of the season, I bundled up in my scarf & hat & my winter coat, with a scarf I'd knit wrapped almost up to my nose.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

"Boy, I'm not ready for Wintertime yet!... I really don't like being cold!... Wasn't Halloween just a few days ago???" that little voice in my head begins to whine & complain...

And then I remember (something I'm prone to forget if I'm not very careful)...  

This is a very good day to count my blessings!

So, today I'm thankful for...

• A warm house on a chilly day
• A hot cup of Chai tea in my favorite mug
• The space heater that's warming my toes-ies
• The fleece blanket my sons gave me for Christmas... I'm cozier because of their love for me
• A sunny 'Carolina Blue' sky with not a cloud in sight 
• The sound of my dog snoozing right next to me while I type
• A brand new book I can hardly wait to read
• ... And a wide-open day to enjoy being creative!  :) 

Lord, I have so very much to be thankful for!... Please teach me to notice and count the big & small blessings in my everyday life... good gifts you have given to me!

Color Me Happy!

"Snowman With Star"

Just recently I decided to add some colored samples to the PholkartStudio shop on Etsy. I love color!... and I wanted to give my basically black & white shop a little more colorful friendliness!

What I didn't expect when I started my sample-making project... was rediscovering the joy I've always found in the process of coloring! With some music playing quietly in the background & a few stolen minutes to myself, there is something so peaceful & even prayerful for me about coloring! It takes me back to a time when my little girl self spent hour upon happy hour filling coloring books with hues like Blue, Green & Yellow-Orange, Purple & Red.

Now that I'm all grown up, my favorite coloring materials have changed from that wonderful new box of 64 Crayola crayons (my very own!) to my growing stash of Copics, Prismacolor markers & colored pencils. But that little-girl-love for coloring still remains!

 ...Yes, there's nothing like the blessing of simple pleasures!

So Very Thankful!

As so many of you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. To be honest, until recently that didn't have much meaning for me. At 57 years old, I had been blessed with good health & I was looking forward to enjoying middle age with my sweet husband, Joe. But all that suddenly changed for me...

The morning after my 'routine mammogram,' I got the phone call no woman ever wants to receive... "We want you to come back for a second screening. The radiologist found a problem on your X-ray."

So began several weeks of not knowing & waiting & trying not to think the worst. My husband & I prayed. We asked our family & friends for prayer. We believe the Lord wants us to bring our needs & our hearts before Him... and at the same time we believe, for better or for worse, God is in control.

I ended up needing to have a biopsy... and truthfully, I was afraid to go through that process almost as much as I feared learning about the test results. But the nurse & doctor who cared for me could not have been more compassionate. They listened to me & talked me through the entire procedure. I felt like I was treated as a person who mattered & not just another nameless patient... They helped put my heart at ease.

My story has a very HAPPY ending!... though now I know I could easily have received very different news.

And so today I am THANKFUL!...  Thankful for the love & support of my husband. Thankful for the prayerfulness of family & friends. Thankful for compassionate caregivers. And yes, thankful for the very good news I received... I don't take the gift of good health for granted any more.

Thank you Lord for caring for me in the midst of uncertainty & fear. Thank you for being my strength, my comfort, my rock. Thank you for your compassion & mercy on me. Please help me to remember that, no matter what I may face in this life, I can ALWAYS trust in You.

Happy to be a Mom Of Boys :)

"No Girlz Allowed"

Somehow, it's May already!... and the neighborhood is starting to fill up with the sights & sounds I remember so well from my two sons' growing-up-days! I love seeing little boys out riding their bikes on the sidewalk... kids with dirty knees playing "trucks" in the front yard... hearing the sounds of skateboards down the street as "the big boys" practice their jumping skills. Pretty soon there will be kiddie pools & sprinklers & squirt gun fights... kids catching fireflies after dark... and best of all, the sounds of children laughing & playing!

I have to admit... I have a BIG soft spot in my heart for little boys! Our house was full of them!... our two sons with their whole gang of little buddies... playing legos by the hour on rainy days, eating drippy popsicles on the front porch when the weather was hot, making forts & playing with flashlights... a constant noisy parade of little guys in search of snacks & bandaids for scraped knees... and sometimes hugs & kisses too!...  

I loved every minute of it!! 

Sometimes now it's hard to believe that those "little boy days" went by so quickly!... I remember wondering back then (on my more "challenging" days!) if time had stood still! Now I know that I was especially blessed to be home with our boys & be there for all their growing-up minutes!... 

Such a gift from God to me!... and I am so very thankful!

Thank you so much, Lord, for the wonderful gift of being a mom of boys! Thanks for the good days & the not-so-good days of growing up together as a family. What a JOY & a PRIVILEGE to have been there to nurture them along!... Please help me to treasure these memories & to encourage them on as they continue to grow.